4 weeks to go!

I haven't 'blogged' for some time now, with work, pregnancy and pure laziness I haven't stopped to blog. I thought for my welcome back blog I would update on the pregnancy and the ever daunting only 4 weeks to go looming over our head.
For my entire pregnancy I have been blessed, no illness, no dramas, no complaints, none what so ever. I have sat back and wondered what in the world all these women winge about. Pretty much as soon as I thought this, my body decided to show me what every other woman goes through! I got sick, about 2 weeks ago I started getting headaches, headaches that mirrored migraines but without the need to hide in a darkened cave, headaches that lasted all day and night, preventing me from working and sleeping. To add to the headaches I had high blood pressure, vomiting and pain. Over the first week I went to drs, had blood taken from me and dealt with the worry of what was wrong, feeling guilty for not being at work and the not knowing when it will stop, I was exhausted. The verdict came back that I may have preeclampsia so Dayne shipped me up to the hospital where I was monitored and given a drip. This drip and the one after it lasted for hours,Dayne had to go to work and leave me alone in a cold hospital with no change of clothes, nothing, again with just the worry of what was wrong. The obstetrician advised it wasn't preeclampsia and I had a viral infection and required fluid. So here I was strapped to a drip and in a maternity ward. They also gave me tablets for the headaches which gave me a reaction of vomitting and dizziness and had me in tears because I couldn't stop the head spins. The thoughts the midwives must have had running through their heads when I was crying. How am I going to be with childbirth!
The night finally ended and Dayne came to collect me that morning, was tired, hungry, bored but was leaving without a headache! Over the next week I continued having headaches, nose bleeds and vomitting but they lasted not long enough to cause concern. Upon drs orders I handed in my certificate and finished work on the 17th feb to get some rest, relaxation and time to myself to get better and prepare!
What an understatement, by the time the 17th rolled around I was exhausted, my body felt heavy, I was tired, my appetite was off and for the first time I wished the pregnancy would hurry up and end. Instant guilt I felt, for one, leaving work so soon and two, feeling bad that i wanted out of the pregnancy when for so long it had been easy, carefree and amazing and this one week had made me so negative! Didn't I snap out of it really quickly!
I have had so far 3 week days off, 3 days I would have normally spent dealing with tenants, owners,a dramas and the stress of not feeling adequate at work and I haven't missed it at all (so far!) I have had my version of relaxing, I have cleaned, tidied, recleaned, moved furniture, built a shelf for bubs room, finished bubs painting and completed my brothers painting. I have been kept busy which until right now has prevented me from thinking about the due date.
We have 4 weeks to go, possibly only 2, but 4 would be better, to prepare, have quality time as a couple, get house, car etc ready and deal with whatever will happen in 4 weeks time! Until today I havent had to many worries aout birth etc however as of today i have been slightly concerned about the after birth, the bringing bub home part. Labour I'm of course petrified about but see it as a positive happy time that brings our little man into this world, so for now I'm fine with this (FOR NOW) its the after he arrives that I'm worried about! The sleep deprivation, the loss of intimacy with my Fiancé, the how will I know what bub wants or needs and will I be able to breast feed and who is going to help me when I no longer have midwives watching and monitoring me and will bub love me and know i will do anything for him and will he be ok??? I have a friend who has just put up a blog with these issues which has made my concerns come to light, it's refreshing to see her go through these concerns and see that she is coping despite the fears and concerns, that he baby boy is happy healthy and loved. It has allowed my fears to be realized, thought about and panicked about but has allowed me to see that I'm not the only one worrying about these things and that just because im worrying does not mean im unhappy with whats happening or that my positive outllok has been crushed by negativity it is just that we are already proving to be good mummies and mummy to be's because we are worrying so much about their welfare already and they are only just here, or about to be here. With only 4 weeks to go I am despite my worries and concerns, going to get myself into a relaxed,prepared as much as possible, happy state so when due date arrives, I can get through it and get through the tough days that will lie ahead with having a new born. I wil also endeavor to just chill out during these 4 weeks as I know sleeping, eating, showering in peace and quite and alone will soon be a thing of the past!